A strange question . . .

In a normal world, a person asking "how are you?" is not abnormal. For me (Shan), that is another thing . . .One of the VPs in my company (and my mentor) was visiting our site today. She stopped at my desk with some work and began asking me how Greg was holding up with his 3+ year wait for new lungs. Well, that topic is easy for me, since that is usually the question I am used to hearing. But, then, she turned to me and said "And how are YOU holding up?" For a second, I knew what Greg felt like - the breath was stolen from me. Me? Me? As I heard the question in my mind again, I could not help but feel lost. With everything surrounding our lives, family stresses, family members dying (3 uncles and 1 grandfather in the last year between us both), 5 dry runs for new lungs, full time graduate classes, full time work, helping Greg with certain medical "things", taking care of the house, and all the chores, I never thought to ask myself that question. Exactly how WAS I holding up??I told her that I take things one day at a time and that people have told me I can leave the relationship since I am "healthy" but I can't. You see, I am devoted to my husband: the husband behind the CF shell, the man I fell in love with, and the man I plan to spend eternity with. Sure, all my energy is spent on all those things listed above, but if that keeps Greg alive and "well" (all things considered), then I will continue to do so.But again, how am I holding up? I can honestly say that it must be by the grace of God because without Him, I could have never got this far. Just when I think I cannot handle one more ER visit or performing (stomach turning) nurse-type actions for Greg, the strength and energy will show up - out of no where. So, I could only repeat my grandmother's timeless premise: "There but for the grace of God go I".