Interesting Comments

So I write about my tossing around the idea of having children and get flooded with emails from complete strangers. Normally I would love feedback from my blog entries and I do thank the people for taking the time out of their lives to provide this feedback - I just wonder what was going through their minds. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not going to judge people as I am the last to judge anyone. It is just that some people wrote how I should have children because it is part of the sequence of events (date, marriage, house, children, etc) and others wrote how I should not give up on my dreams of having children. Ironically, not one person said I shouldn't have children - but I guess that would have been too blunt and most people aren't as blunt as me.

First, I want to clear up the image that it is my dream to have children. Actually it is in my dreams that I do have children but not necessarily a dream of mine to have any. There is the medical procedures to get pregnant, then there is the emotional roller coaster of it working or not working, then 9 months of water weight, frequent bathroom trips, hormone rushes, swelling breasts (and sore), added weight, and so on. Then add in giving birth to something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a walnut - hmm... This is not my dream. Sure, I know many mothers out there would say it is all well worth it and that I am stronger than I think. I will agree with you on both points and I know I could handle it. I guess it is more of do I want to handle it. You see, my life before Greg was far from rosy and then I met Greg and for 11 years now everything has been about his health and disease. We are finally free of all that and given a pass to enjoy our lives - since we put our lives on hold for so many years. Heck, the 3.5 year wait for his lungs kept us no more than 2 hours from the transplant hospital. Can you imagine all that time and not being able to travel with your new spouse or see anyone in your family because they are 900 miles away? Oh - and add to that the fact that I have twin 5-year old brothers who I have now only seen 3 times in their young lives.

Yes, I know I would make an outstanding mother as I am gifted in the area of children but do I want to go through it. Yes, it may risk Greg's health but is it worth putting his life in harm's way just to have children? Do I want to increase the chances of being a widow at a young age? These are all the things I have to think about - that is why it is not easy.

But, yet again, it is easy. You see, shortly after I wrote the last blog entry, we spoke about it and it became clear that biological children just aren't in God's plan for us. That does not mean that we wont have children - there are many children out there that need good homes.

~Shan
http://www.angelcove.us