Bad Dreams

There is always the fear in the back of my head - wondering how long it will last. I have been able to push aside the fears of Greg getting sick with almost a sense of expertise at this time but that does not mean they do not enter my dreams. They don't take the form of a nightmare but, it is more like they are little reminders of what could happen if we are not careful.

Last night was one of those times again. I don't remember the entire dream but I do remember that Greg was healthy one minute and then, in the next, he was not able to breathe. I did not panic because it wasn't a dream that I was taking part. It was more like watching it on the television and getting the sense of knowing it was a part of "normal" life. So, was it really the fear of the unknown sweeping its way into my dreams or just a gentle reminder of how precious life is and how we need to live life to the fullest? Honestly, I couldn't say. However, I can tell you that I am reminded of the frailty of life on a daily basis when I hear people coughing and sneezing, and I find myself turning around to judge how far they are from us and the possibility of getting what they have.

Sure, they could just have allergies and there is nothing to be concerned. Unfortunately, I have a built in radar now that senses things and is constantly on the lookout for what could disturb our lives. I am sure you are thinking that this takes up a great deal of energy and you are 100% right! Unfortunately, it is one of those things that comes with not only being a caregiver to someone who is post-transplant but also just being a woman. Learning how to relax and enjoy life is the ultimate goal.