A Normal Relationship

We met online in 1995 and feel in love before we even met. After 3.5 years of long distance dating, I moved halfway across the country and we were married a year later. I would like to say it was a romance made in heaven, but every relationship takes work. A relationship is the bringing together of two separate lives and two separate people. Sure, there is love, but if you don't understand respect and compromise, then the relationship will never work.

Only 2 years after we were married, Greg's disease (cystic fibrosis) started to take a turn for the worse and by 2001, he was listed for a double lung transplant. We had no idea what was in store for us and continued to live our lives as normally as we could. That was until he became deathly ill in 2002 and was not only hospitalized for 9 weeks but also placed on a ventilator (artificial breathing machine) for 8 months - 6 of those months were spent at home with those machines and me as his nurse. During that time, we worked together to get him off the vent and were successful. Unfortunately, he was still not able to work and was on 4 liters of oxygen 24/7. It is ironic because our lives were simpler during that time. We didn't fight and we finally learned what life was truly about. We were able to get out of debt, even though we only had one income.

Now that he has received his miracle double lung transplant and we have returned back to a "normal" life, we aren't as happy as we were when he was sick. I know it may sound strange, but please know that I am serious. Both of us agree that when he was sick, we knew how to live without thinking. Now we have no clue what we are doing. Sure, we both work and I even own a small web development business on the side, but we are both lost and our frustration is now being misdirected at each other.

Unfortunately, Greg neglects what I do for him and still, in the back of his mind, expects me to do everything for him as though he is still sick. Of course, I still run on autopilot and continue to do everything for him, but I am miserable in doing so. He hardly does anything around the house or for me anymore and he admits it. He knows that he is letting things continue as though he were sick but the problem is that we don't know how to live "normal" anymore. Our minds and bodies never made the switch back from the "high alert" status of illness to the "relaxing" state of normalcy.

So, how do we make the switch back now that he is healthy? I am truly not sure. All I can say is that if we don't learn how and learn quickly, our relationship will suffer and that is something that I am going to do everything in my power to fight. I pray we figure this out.