Men, Women, and Cystic Fibrosis (CF)

I say this in all seriousness. Men are bad news around cf. Many, many men can't stand the heat and so it's divorce time.
stated by F. Wilson 3/30/06 on Cystic Fibrosis mailing list

Although we should never make generalizations based on gender, there are quite a number of people that fit the generalized statement about men with CF. Some of those people are women! :)

Yes, you heard me right! Actually it is not a gender issue as relationships are a lot of work to begin with. Here you are, two separate people trying to see past the differences and love the person that lies within. Statistics will show you that it is not so easy to be in a relationship these days, let alone stay married for a couple of years. People fight of over the stupidest of things and get divorced way too easily these days.

Then you add on a "terminal" illness like CF. No, "terminal" is not my word for it and therefore I have added quotes. :) But, nonetheless, it is a difficult disease and not so easy for a "healthy" person to deal with at times. The roller coaster ride of good/bad health drives those of us that are in the relationship, and "healthy", to go insane. Even though the person with CF cannot leave the relationship and escape the disease, the "healthy" one can. There is an easy fix for the "healthy" person - it's called the door!

So, let's put this together, shall we? You have the fact that relationships are a lot of work because of the differences in gender or just being different people (cause who would want to be married to themselves??) and then you add a mound of Cystic Fibrosis and what do you get? The answer is simple - a pickle of a deal and a great number of "healthy" people that walk away from the relationship.

Now, for those of us that stay - I will admit that we are truly strong people. Sometimes we don't feel much strength but in order to make it work with CF, you have to be a strong person and not many people are well suited for the job. That is not to say that a person needs to be strong to be in a relationship with a person, minus the disease. The way I look at it, a relationship with someone that has CF is called the "CF Triangle". There is me, you, and CF. It is both of us against the disease - it is separate entity. But, most people don't have the strength to fight it with the CF person, let alone when the CF person gets sick and the "healthy" person needs to be strong for both people.

I have to admit that I give credit to those that walk away from the relationship in the early stages. This shows that they know themselves enough to know that they will not be able to be the person that someone with CF needs - on the good and the bad days. This allows room for the person with CF to find that particular person that is strong enough to be that pillar of strength during the roughest of times. It gives them a chance to truly be loved for who they are by a person that is willing to pick up that sword and fight for that other person with everything they have!

Yes, I will admit that I am one of the strongest people I know because of what I have had to do to keep Greg alive at times. From 8 months on a vent at home while I was working full-time, being his full-time nurse (no home health care), going for a MBA, and handling the normal stuff on a daily basis - I have helped Greg find in himself the strength to fight against the disease. I have been wife, mentor, lover, best friend, soul mate, and sergeant all in one. Yes, I said sergeant because I pushed him when he thought he could not go on. I knew he had it in him... He just needed someone to help him find that strength. :) And, God put me on this Earth to be that person for him, just as He has put Greg on this Earth to save my life in other ways.

So, that is how I feel about the subject of gender, relationships, and CF - take it or leave it. ;)